The Awakening Beyond Wishes

I am seeing a God emerging from the probability of His being or not being, between the light and the dark. And yes, I have seen Him—with the same physical attributes as mine, with the very image I had been holding of Him in my mind, and with an immense light pouring out of Him. He is almighty. I didn’t want to blink; I wanted to be fully sure that He was still there, that I was not daydreaming.

Yes, He is there—perhaps waiting for me to speak. Should I start speaking? But what would I say? Doesn’t He already know everything in my mind? And if He knows, would He still be interested in speaking with me, in hearing what I am seeking? If He asks for my wish—do I truly know what my deepest wish has been all my life? After all, wishes never end. So, should I ask for a final wish that could sort out all of my problems? But wait—what are my problems? Do I even know them at all? Is there any problem at all? In this way, I become confused about the very purpose for which I have been calling my God for so long. And now, when the moment is here, my mind struggles to ask what I am really waiting for.

Pause and reflect: If God stood before you and asked for one final wish, would you know what to ask?

Let me ask for infinite pleasures and no sorrows. If I got every pleasure and no sorrow, then I would be complete—right? But wait—how could I be happy all the time? Wouldn’t that eventually kill the taste of living and become monotonous? If everything I ever wanted were presented to me with no grief, then even joy would lose meaning. Oh! This mind is troubling me; I cannot even decide what I should ask for.

Pause and reflect: Would endless pleasure truly make life full—or make it empty?

Then let me ask for power and fame. Yes, once I am the most powerful, I will rule the world. People will respect me, and I will punish those who refuse to act according to my desires. Then my life will be complete. People will fear me and will not dare to make me angry. That would feel supreme—I would be a Superman. But wait—what would it actually mean to be a Superman? Would it not bring the responsibility to save one at the cost of another? How long would I enjoy that power if I must continuously serve justice, knowing my own opinions can be biased? Perhaps power is not a good idea to ask from God.

Pause and reflect: Is power freedom—or another form of bondage?

Then let me ask for immense health, even immortality—so I can live long, enjoy earthly pleasures, and create endless relationships. People will admire me and say how young I look, almost godlike. Then, I think, I will finally feel complete. But what if, one day, everyone else dies and I still survive, with no one left to embrace me? What would be the point of such immortality? Oh God, my mind is confusing me again.

Pause and reflect: Is living forever a blessing—or can it become the greatest loneliness?

Let me finally decide: I want peace and tranquility, so I can become the greatest monk on the planet. Everyone will seek my advice and come for my blessings. But that too could bring sorrow if one day no one comes—or if they stop believing in me. Peace that is given from outside and not earned through life’s ups and downs would not be truly mine. Any unavoidable circumstance could destroy it. Peace must be born of my own practice, my understanding of life, and my walk through its storms—only then can I be My Own Buddha.

Pause and reflect: Can peace bestowed from outside endure—or must it be discovered within?

And first of all, why has God come here to ask for my wishes? He already knows that whatever I ask from a mind caught in duality will lead me into illusion and make me a slave to desires and cravings. No, this cannot be God if He wants to fulfill my desires while knowing I am not yet fully awakened—one with the whole Universe in complete awareness, where I am not left separate from myself, where I am one with Thyself. This cannot be a God who proves His authority by fulfilling mine over others. God does not need authority, nor is He here to satisfy duality. God is awareness itself. Wherever He is, my prayerfulness will unite me with Him—and there will be no “me” left apart from Him.

Alas, mind—now I see how clever you are. You want to be certain that He is God, so you begin a thousand questions and even try to establish your authority over the One who is Free. Now I understand why He does not appear openly: because until we truly awaken, we will keep drawing our own images of Him, trying to fill ourselves by placing our authority upon Him. And if we impose our authority on God, how could God still be called free?

---